Hello and hi. As you know, we here on earth are having a pretty rough time of it at the moment. I mean, there are people out there actually planning on voting for Donald Orange Trump *hangs head in shame…sobs uncontrollably*, then there was BREXIT. Sure, loads more happened, but I do not have the time nor inclination to address that. No. No, I do not. So, with all the madness which is swirling around us, the unthinkable happened. A Western lowland, silverback gorilla from the London Zoo escaped, and London Town had to be shut down, as armed police were called in. Seriously people, I couldn’t make this stuff up, even if I tried. And believe me you-I have tried. So, this happened…
Last week, Kumbuka became agitated and made what zoo officials called an “opportunistic” exit through an unlocked door. Oh my word. ‘Kumbuku’ is a Swahili word. I do not know the exact meaning, although I am sure H does. H, if you are reading: kindly advise. Please and thanks.
Kumbuku arrived in London from Paighton Zoo in Devon, back in early 2016. Before then, he was probably living happily and lording about in the jungle. However, all that changed through a series of unfortunate events, which ultimately led to his capture. At present, he is now residing at the London Zoo. I mean, he is treated rather well, but let’s face it, a zoo is no place for a gorilla. Pictured below is Kumbuka, he is most certainly thinking how sh*t his life is now, compared to when he was back in the jungle. Isn’t he a sexy beast? Yes. Yes, I think he is.
Last week, our Kumbuka became rather agitated. There were reports that he smashed the glass to his enclosure, climbed to the top of Big Ben and mightily beat his chest. Please know, that this did not happen. Instead, our Kumbuka was able to enter into a secured keeper’s area on discovering a security flaw. A security flaw? More like an unlocked door. Oh my King Kong. (Somebody got fired, I just know it.) Anyway, upon entering the keeper’s area…guess who he came face to face with? The keeper. Kumbuka’s keeper to be exact. The keeper was like…’Awww hell’ and he slowly backed away and retreated to the adjoining room-never once taking his eyes off of Kumbuku. Because really now, no one wants to be in a room with an alpha male gorilla who weighs 29 stones. Please know there are 14 lbs in a stone. Kumbuka is MASSIVE.
In the finish, the keeper managed to escape. Apparently the keeper and Kumbuka have quite a close and personal relationship and the pair are incredibly close. Oh really? Then why did the keeper retreat? They couldn’t have been THAT close. I guess the keeper wanted to…live.
Image: The Daily Mail
Anyway, armed police were called to the zoo and visitors were evacuated when the news got out that Kumbuku had gotten out. A short while later, Kumbuku was returned to his enclosure, after being tranquilised. Which is good, because remember they killed Harambe, back in the US? Poor lovely Harambe. But I digress.
Also, I forgot to mention that before Kumbuku was tranquilised he proceeded to drink 5L of undiluted blackcurrent squash (which had belonged to the keeper). First of all, undiluted blackcurrent squash is the equivalent to 7 Red Bulls. Yes. Yes, it is. So, get this, you have a 2 ton silverback gorilla high on sugar and is about to go bananas. Oh my good God.
Oh and for those of you who don’t know, you are meant to add water to squash. It makes for a nice and refreshing drink. Yes. Yes, it does.
In closing, Professor David Field reported on the gorilla escape in a recent report. He described the events as “less dramatic” than some would have you to believe. Whatever Prof.- that gorilla was fed up at being gawked at by us humans and decided to take matters into his gorilla hands. The only option for him was to escape, breaking the glass of his enclosure along the way. Prof Field aslo included in his report that there were no broken locks nor was there any smashed enclosure glass. Field later added that Kumbuku was never ‘on the loose.’Whatever. I was not born yesterday. Gorilla’s are not exactly going to go quietly.
Like I said, Kumbuku was later returned to his den after being tranquilised. Thankfully, no one was injured. Kumbuku, his keeper and those visiting the zoo on that day were allowed to live another day.
Image: The Daily Mail