photo from bbc.co.uk
Dear Sam Allardyce
How’s you? You have been on my mind this morning-as you are pretty much all over the TV and radio. Even the hallowed BBC Radio 4 is reporting on you. Slowclap. I just wanted to tell you a few things. Actually, I was hoping you would heed my advice. I really think you should. Yes. Yes, I do. Ok, let’s do this.
First of all, many will not be that familiar with you. Here in England-we know who you are and how much money you make. Of course you are the new England manager. Oh dear, England footie has had SO many managers. Not all of them English. And while of course-this makes no difference, some believe it does. But we all agree on the fact that the manager of the England football team should procure some wins. England football was once a powerhouse. Now, not so much. I don’t know what the answser is-and apparently, neither does FIFA.
Second, I would like to direct you to the nearest Job Centre. While you are there, you can claim for JSA (Job Seekers Allowance)-this benefit gives unemployed persons a bit of cash as they seek new employment. It can be a bit of a challenge to get by on a measly £75 every fortnight. Especially, when your current pay packet is £3million. I mean…yikes. Time, to budget, mate. And the reason that you will be claiming JSA is that you are soon going to be out of a job. Yes. Yes you will. Please do not be dismayed, maybe the job as England was not for you. Probably best you resign before you get fired. Happy job hunting Best of luck!
A concerned American blogger
Hello and hi. The FA (Football Association) is currently investigating allegations that England manager, Sam Allardyce, used his role to negotiate a 400K deal and offer advice on how to get around rules on player transfers, according to the BBC. Yikes. This goes beyond stealing post-it notes and pens from your employer. For real.
The Football Association is investigating allegations England manager Sam Allardyce used his role to negotiate a £400,000 deal and offer advice on how to “get around” rules on player transfers. The Telegraph has footage. Gulp. This sort of thing only happens with The Sun Newspaper-but I guess those reporters at The Telegraph thought this 10 month investigation would yield results. And it has. The footage is from August of Allardyce meeting men claimed to represent a Far East firm (undercover reporters) and appearing to tell them that third-party ownership rules can be avoided. Oh my Lakshmi. I hope there was alcohol involved and that you were pretty drunk-but of course, this is a terrible defence. I would not use it. Nope. Don’t.
Allardyce has yet to respond to the allegations-while the FA has aked to see the paper’s filmed recordings. Am afraid this situation has gone a bit Pete Tong (wrong). Anyway, later today the new chairman and chief executive will decide your fate and if this is a matter of poor judgement, stupidity or something far more serious.
Allardyce was only named England boss in July-when he succeeded Roy Hodgson after a dismal European Championship campaign. In fact, Allardyce-who is the former boss of Sunderland, has been in charge of England for just.one. game. Yikes. I mean, when you start a new job it is really all about observing, trying to understand the culture and making your managers proud that they have chosen you. Dunno-maybe it was opposite day when this whole thing went down.
Surely, Allardyce was aware of the fact that third-party ownership of players was banned by the FA in 2008. I mean, even I knew this and I don’t even watch that much football. I am more into watching underwater basketweaving. And let me tell you, it is far more exciting watching that compared to England losing all the time. For real. The video showed that during the meeting with the ‘businessmen’ it is alleged that Allardyce said that it was “not a problem” to bypass the rules and that he knew of agents that were doing it pretty much all the time. Great. Bury yourself only mate, no need to drag anyone else into this mess. Come on, now. for real.
And if things couldn’t get any worse-it is alleged by The Telegraph that a deal was sruck with the England boss worth 400K for him to represent the company to Far East investors and to be a keynote speaker at events. Yikes. Greedy much? His salary is already £3m.
But wait, things did get worse-when Allardyce criticised former assistant coach Gary Neville-saying that Hodgson (then England manager) should have told him to “sit down and shut up.” He also said that the FA’s decision to rebuild Webley Stadium at a cost of £870 was a dumb one. Yikes. I think the vino was definitely flowing as he was doing all that slagging off.
When an investment company will take a stake in the economic rights of the players-I mean, that is the short definition. Michel Platini, the former president of European football’s governaing body, Eufa, described it as a form of “slavery.” Really? Hmm. I need to think on that for a bit-but I do see the point he is TRYING to make. Anway, Fifa (world’s football governing body) banned the practice last May.
Anyway, not sure what is going to happen now. But if Allardyce needs directions to the nearest JobCentre-I am more than happy to provide them for him. Yup. That is all.