The 39 Rules For Being a Lady (in England)

On the other hand, Maggie Smith’s character in Downton is titled as a lady, but isn’t one: she’s simply too rude

Salutations. Yes, there are 39 rules for being a lady in England.  Of course these rules are not set in stone, and most of them are a combination of common sense and solid family upbringing  of cast-iron values.  Look here, we are all different. As for me, “I’m just a girl, oh little old me” to quote Gwen Stefani.  That being said, I find this list hilarious and troubling in equal measure. Here are my thoughts…in bold


  1. Can carry her own luggage, but accepts offers with a smile. Please carry my luggage. Just don’t run off with it.
  2. Says ‘thank you’ when a seat is offered or a door opened.
  3. Doesn’t take offence easily.
  4. Fends off unwanted passes with ease. Yup. The struggle is real.
  5. Accepts a compliment, even from an inappropriate, old fool. All the time. In fact, I welcome it.
  6. Makes her point firmly, but unaggressively.
  7. Knows that a single, explosive swear word beats a torrent of obscenity. Yes.
  8. Walks like a functional human, without tittupping, hip-swinging or hair-flicking. Life is not a Pantene commercial.
  9. Can perfectly well change a wheel, but will express gratitude if a man offers. Yes.
  10. Tactfully covers up others’ social gaffes. Nope. I expose them. I kid.
  11. Accepts that not everyone wants her cat jumping on them.
  12. Laughs at the ridiculous hero of Fifty Shades Of Grey.
  13. Drapes an elegant shawl when breast-feeding in public.
  14. Like Grace Kelly, thinks clothes should be ‘tight enough to show you’re a woman but loose enough to show you’re a lady’.
  15. Dresses to fit in unobtrusively with other people’s events. Especially funerals.
  16. Can hold her drink without falling over. Yes, but with great difficulty. I kid.
  17. Shares a cafe table or train seat with a smile.
  18. Doesn’t boast about exotic holidays on social media.
  19. Tries not to talk about house prices.
  20. Doesn’t attempt to apply full make-up on a packed train. I do this. Rarely.
  21. Knows calorie and GI counts, but never speaks of them.
  22. Doesn’t shout down her phone in the street or on the train.
  23. Knows when to stop talking. Working on it….
  24. Accepts some chaps are embarrassed by remarks about vaginas, etc.
  25. Can pay the tab in a restaurant without making it obvious. Yes.
  26. Gives a 1,000-watt smile to nervous teenage boys, making them feel like kings.
  27. Has enough natural authority to make teenagers take their feet off train seats.
  28. Does not comment on other women’s weight. I would never do this. This is just plain wrong.
  29. On an awful internet date, kindly sticks it out until 10pm . . .
  30. . . . but knows how to make it clear, gracefully, that it’s not a goer.
  31. Teaches her children manners.
  32. Always tells adult godchildren that they are ‘doing absolutely wonderfully’, even when said godchildren are clearly total trainwrecks.
  33. Calls policemen ‘Officer’. Even PCSOs.
  34. Removes her screaming toddler from a busy cafe with an apologetic smile.
  35. Won’t kiss and tell, or compare men’s prowess.
  36. Has a flair for wearing hats, but keeps her belly button to herself in public. Yes.
  37. Deals gracefully with spiders, mice, etc, without screaming. No, Nope. Negative.
  38. Takes off her stilettos on other people’s parquet floors. I wear brogues. So my shoes stay on.
  39. Is kind to nervous, inadequate chaps who read lists about how to be a gentleman.

I find this list pretty funny. I hope you did too. Remember, at the end of the day we are who we are. Lady or not-I wont judge you. Much.

Cheers Y’all


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