The Queen’s English II

We all speak the Queen’s English, or at least we aspire to.  For those of you who really want to speak the English the English speak, allow me to school you.

Embedded in British English you will find a host of words, phrases and every day sayings that are just plain strange.  When everything is ok or hunky-dory and the completion of a thing is perfect the Brits say ‘Bob’s your uncle’. It just means everything is fine, great, better than good. Don’t say ‘Bob is your father’s brother’ because that is just silly. If you are on the underground and you are about to trip over a small child, you say ‘mind’, its just about the most polite way of saying ‘get outta the way!’. If your colleague asks you what time it is-you respond: ‘Its 3:30’. Not exactly, the proper response is ‘its half three’. I know its strange, but as an American you feel somehow smarter responding this way. Trust me. If you haven’t seen someone in a long time, you don’t just say that, you say: ‘I haven’t seen you in yonks’.If seeing this particular person is causing you some aggravation you simply refer to it as ‘aggro’. Short. Sweet. and to the point. But if you like this person and go out for a pint or 2, you may be a bit worse for wear at the end of the night. Just be careful and make sure you are steady on your feet or you will be ‘arse over elbow’ if you are graphic, I mean vulgar, you might say ‘arse over tit’. I never say that.  And if you do end up arse over elbow, just know that you are well and truly ‘bladdered’ meaning drunk. So, lets say you’re still at the pub and someone tries to ‘chat you up’, beware because someone has just made a pass at you. Relish this. But if you find this annoying you could be ‘cheesed off’ or annoyed. At which point you sternly tell them to ‘clear off’ which is like the equivalent to take a hike!  Of course, anyone who tries to chat you up at a pub might be a bit ‘dodgy’ meaning weird, so just be careful. Of course there are tons more, I could go on but I have to go see a man about a dog. (I just got stuff to do and I don’t really want to share the details with you.).
So, cheerio (bye)

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